Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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