Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
