I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
