I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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