He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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