you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
