Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
