Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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