if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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