He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's paint friendship bongs
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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