ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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