Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
