first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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