I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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