my phone needs a breathalizer
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
