Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
