You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
