The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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