She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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