My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
