M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I could fuck to npr.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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