but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
