We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
