after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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