i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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