i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She's like a pop up book from hell.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
