apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
