I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
