in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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