After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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