New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
