theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
