Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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