I'm passing your future prison.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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