I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
