How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
