I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
