I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
