No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
