Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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