Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
