hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
