Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
