Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
