Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I touched a dick in church today
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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