Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
