Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
