don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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