You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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