I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you would pick up someone in the library
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
