is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
