It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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