So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
