Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
