Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
