Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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