You're so nebulous sometimes
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
