Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
