Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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