I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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