He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
