so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She bit a glass in half.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
