How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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