Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
