I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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