i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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