last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
