The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
